Trauma - How to Think to Get Unstuck

Trauma Recovery

Today we're talking about the trauma recovery journey. The trauma recovery journey and how you can actually think more positively even when your thinker is not very clear. So, remember that trauma is a wound. Trauma is a painful past learning experience. It means that something happened that was not optimal, and it impacted you beyond your ability to have the resources that you needed to take care of it. When we are recovering from that, we miss out on knowing that we survived because our system gets so focused on making sure that never happens again.

Are Your Coping Skills Working?

That scary thing that felt like we wouldn't survive, that it puts up amazing scanners under the scenes that say that will never happen again. And then we come up with all kinds of coping skills, whether helpful or not helpful, to prevent the very thing that hurt us. And then those coping skills end up hurting us, so they don't work. They worked for a time, or they worked for a developmental stage or when we were kids, we thought they worked, but then as adults we run into things where they don't work and then we're kind of left wondering what in the world to do next?

You Already Survived!

Today, I'm going to help teach you how to think as you are recovering from trauma. Maybe you've been in therapy for a while and you're like, but when I hit this pain point again, I thought I had already worked through it. I thought it had already healed. I don't understand why I'm spinning my wheels again. And I want to tell you, you're not. And when you think, why am I not able to get past this? I still have to keep working and trying to get past this, I want to tell you that you are. So, you are getting past it. You are doing the work. Just because something is familiar and because it may be the way it feels, it does not mean that you're not progressing. It does not mean you haven't survived. It does not mean that hope isn't right there with you or that healing isn't completely on the horizon.

Now, I can't promise complete healing in everybody's circumstances all the time. But when you really do the work, you will then have the tools to be able to keep on the path towards healing and it will get smoother as you go. You don't need to still survive. You don't need to try harder to survive. You already have survived. Now you need to basically pick yourself up when you wobble. It's not that you're still surviving, it's that your system doesn't know it already did.

It's Like Riding a Bike

I want to give you the analogy of a bike ride, okay? If you're on a two-wheeler, you're a kid, you've learned how to ride a two-wheeler and you've crashed, and your bike is toast. I mean, you're banged up, your knees are skinned, your bike got all bent, your tires flat, everything's a mess. You don't want that to ever happen again. So, the next time you get on your bike, your new bike, you start to wobble a little bit because you remember, uh-oh, I fell last time, yet you keep going. You may have to stop and go to one side and kind of catch your balance with one leg down while you hold the bike against you. Then maybe you get back up and you try again and keep going. But every pedal, every time you push the pedal around, you are further on in the process of getting back on the bike and getting away from the experience of the accident. You survived your bike accident, and now you're on your way to a wonderful ride.

If you keep thinking, “I have to survive an accident, I have to survive an accident,” you take away the power of the ride that you're already on on your bike.

Now, does that mean you'll never wobble?

No, of course not.

Does that mean you'll never skin your knee again? Of course not. Does it mean though, that you're going to completely crash and lose your bike and never be okay again and break all kinds of bones? It doesn't mean that either. What happened to you in that first bike crash is over. If you have a new bike and you're pedaling, you survived it.

Now it's a matter of maybe carrying some extra tools with you. Maybe you want to wear your helmet when you ride your bike. Maybe you want to have some knee pads. If you wore ten knee pads on each leg, that would be overkill and that would cause more of a problem than it would help you. See, your coping skills can be out of proportion to what you need them to be.

So, in what ways are you trying to protect yourself that are actually getting in the way now? There's nothing wrong with maybe carrying with you some quarters to put in an air machine at a gas station so that you can pump up your tire if it gets a little low and that's what's causing the wobble. Or maybe to put a little basket on the bike that has a bottled water in there because you might get thirsty and that might help keep you hydrated while you pedal. When you have things that are helpful, you just pull out the tool that you need. Maybe carry a Band-Aid in your pocket in case you need to slap one on. If you do fall and skin your knee, it's not buying a whole new bike again and recovering from that huge crash you had. You've already done that. You're already on your new journey. You may need to have some tools in your toolkit that will help you to optimize when you wobble and fall. But it doesn't mean it's a catastrophe. Taking you back to that catastrophe that you had had that big wound trauma that put you on your guard and wanted to make you put every elbow, knee pad, helmets to the extreme on you. No. Just use caution. Be wise, look out for potholes, keep pedaling, enjoy the new journey. 

You're already on it.

Traumatic Memory Vs. Chronological Time

I wanted to encourage you with that because that's the difference between traumatic memory and actual chronological time you are present, you were hurt, you might still feel like you have a black and blue mark or a few of them, and you don't want them to get bumped. Again. Totally understandable. But if and when they get bumped, you can tend to them with compassion and care, or find others now who can tend to them with compassion and care. And you can process and heal because you survived that initial catastrophe. And the way I know that is because you're here now. You would not be if you were in immediate survival danger.

If you were really in fight or flight danger right now, a survival mode, you wouldn't be reading and thinking about how this applies to you. So, you have survived 100% of the things that you've been through. If you're still bruised, it's because you were wounded. And if you're still feeling those spots are tender, then tend to them. Comfort them, get them the support they need, the healing, the processing. But please don't mistake that you are no longer on the journey of the trauma. You are on the journey of recovery from that trauma. When you can acclimate to present time and space, it helps you to realize that you are no longer powerless, that you have power.

3 Ways to Quickly Calm Anxious Feelings - Get Out of Fight or Flight

Fight or Flight

Fight or Flight and False Alarms

The phrase, “Fight or Flight” is used to describe the portion of our nervous system that makes changes in our bodies whenever we are under a survival threat. For instance, if a saber toothed tiger were about to pounce on you to make you his supper, your blood would automatically move to your arms and legs so that you could fight back (fight) or run away (take flight), but when that happens, your heart must also change it’s pace and beat faster, this changes your sense of alertness, etc…, etc… . In fact, it is said that there are approximately 1500 different changes that take place in a human body for the purposes of survival in this way.

Fight or Flight is very useful when there is an actual threat of death or severe injury, but what if you are simply taking a nap and find yourself waking with a jolt because your heart is racing and there is noone nearby but your trusted companion, Fido. Your nervous system just hijacked your peace and sent you into fight or flight in error.

I often describe it to my clients as a smoke detector that runs on batteries. If there is a real fire and the alarm goes off, then you want to take some sort of action to get to safety. However, if the alarm goes off and there is no actual fire present, it causes a whole lot of hub-bub for no beneficial reason. Perhaps, the batteries are going bad, or someone was boiling water and steam got too close to the alarm location. It’s not that the alarm is doing a bad job of doing what it is designed to do, but it’s doing it when there isn’t a real threat.

This is what happens during panic and anxiety attacks; the body is doing it’s job to alert you to get to safety, but if you are not in danger, it is a false alarm. So, what can you do when you experience a false alarm?

Here are 3 Ways to Tame Anxiety

1) Focus on Your Present Physical Environment

When we are in a false alarm of anxiety or panic from fight or flight hijacking, one of the fastest ways to notice that it is false is to intentionally notice if there is an actual threat or merely a felt sense of threat. A real threat won’t give you time to do this, as you will need to do the thing you need to do to survive. However, a false alarm is easily able to be assessed because you can feel that your body is simply sitting in a chair in your living room, for example, or you are snuggled in your favorite blanket while lying on your couch with your dog looking at you with curiosity.

Look around you, and ask yourself, “Is there actual physical danger here?” Go ahead; check each direction, I’ll wait. :)

If the answer is, “no actual danger here,” then, it’s time to focus on naming out loud things you see and feel and to describe them in vivid detail: “I see a blue mug with red flowers on it, and it has tan coffee inside that is cold to the touch.”

This description allows you to use the more logical part of your brain (i.e. not the part that sends the frantic alarms out), and helps you to “ground” yourself in the safety of the present moment.

2) Focus on Slowing Down Your Breath, Thoughts, and Internal Self-Talk

The next thing to do is to slow down your movements. Notice if you are clenching your fists or jaw, swallowing hard, or racing from here to there in your thoughts. S- - - L- - - O- - - W It D- - - O- - - W- - - N. Take a slow, deep, breath in, and slowly let it out for double as long on the exhale. Repeat the slow breathing no matter how much you feel like you need to pant. Slow down your thoughts…take them one by one and merely observe them rather than grabbing onto them as if they are telling you the truth. Next, tell yourself the truth: “I am feeling unsafe, but there is no danger here. I can breathe just fine, I’ll just slow it down, and I’ll be okay. Keep speaking truth to yourself.

3) Focus on Comforting Your Body and Emotions

Finally, as you treat yourself with kindness and gentleness, have compassion with your body and emotions, too. You might tell yourself, “I know that was scary, but it’s okay to just softly curl up here with this blanket and breathe in a peaceful rhythm.” Or, “Let’s relax, body, it’s okay to gently sway or rock back and forth and give ourselves a hug feeling by placing one hand on our heart and one on our forehead or stomach and breathing slowly.

Ultimately…

When your nervous system "can be convinced” that it was in error, the panic and anxiety of fight and flight alarms can subside.