Why Can’t I Get Past This?

The feeling that this question elicits seems to carry a sense of failure, as if we are doing something wrong because we haven’t “gotten over it” already. However, that viewpoint can add on pressure as it implies an “acceptable timeframe for healing.” Healing is not something to be accomplished, like getting an “A” on a test. Healing is something that results from processing the complex feelings, thoughts, body sensations, memories, and experiences that have been wounded and not yet been tended to completely.

Let’s look at like this… If you were in the Civil War and you were in a battle, you would be no less of a soldier because you got hit by cannon fire; you would simply have been wounded. If you kept trying to fight when you no longer could stand, move, or breathe well, would you get impatient with yourself and think you weren’t “good enough?” Or, would you realize it was time to get yourself to the medical tent for care, if you weren’t passed out or dead already? Of course, you wouldn’t blame yourself for being a brave soldier who got hurt in the line of fire during a battle. And, you likely wouldn’t be upset with yourself for needing a cast or an amputation. You would get the care so that you could return to battle once you were able to, or you would be discharged because you can’t fight well when you are missing body parts.

It’s the same thing with emotional trauma and mental health conditions.

Just because you can’t “see” your injuries in physical form doesn’t mean that you are any less brave, less wounded, or less in need of care. And, while you might wish your arm or leg could heal faster than spending weeks or months in a cast, you don’t get down on your arm or leg or yourself as if you were faulty because it was “taking too long.” Healing happens when it happens.

5 Tips for How to Think About Your Current Situation:

1) Consider your wounds and your needs. If you have a broken arm, get a cast. If you have a broken heart, get with someone who can understand your pain and listen to your feelings. If you can’t seem to “get past” the looping, spiral thoughts in your mind, get professional trauma therapy. Address the need, and select the means to fulfill that need.

2) Think of it at “I will get through this difficult time eventually,” rather than, “Why can’t I get past this already?” Or, instead of, “I should have been past this by now.”

3) Remember you are human, and humans are not invincible. The very thought that you are the one “who can keep it all together” when things are falling apart is a very human one, but it doesn’t make it true. Accepting the truth, i.e. that human beings can’t keep it all together all of the time, and especially not in times of pain, suffering, or hardship, allows you to see yourself as someone “going through” an experience rather than someone “failing.”

4) Ask yourself how you would comfort and talk to a friend or a child you care about? Then, see if you are talking to yourself with the same kindness. If not, imagine that the kinder version of you is connecting with the wounded parts of you. Can you show up for your wounded parts with the grace, kindness, and compassion that you would talk to someone else? Changing your internal dialogue to be more life giving can make surviving lighter than impatients and criticism can.

5) Remember that you don’t have to “solve” your pain. You only need to “feel” it.

Blog Post Title Two

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Blog Post Title Three

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Blog Post Title Four

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.